Home is Where the Heart is

Always say you'd rather live for that person instead :)

This particular statement triggered my memories from high school. Haha. It actually started from what something Ca Men said. And I mentioned this line instead. It instantly brought me walking down memory lane.

This is related to when I was...erm...either in form 1, or form 2. Or form 3 :p Between when I was 12-14 la...

It was during church with Dianne and Sarah. And they were preaching.

"Never say you'd die for that person. Say that you'd rather live for that person instead".

This sentence immediately changed my views back then. Last time, being the unconfident, and small sized teenager that i was, *yes i was short >_>* I kept thinking that...nothing would change even if I were here. Nothing would be different, no one would miss me. Hence, I'd rather die for someone. *oh gosh, I sound soooo depressed last time :p*

But after hearing those words...I thought, hey, maybe its alright for me to live for my friends, maybe....just maybe....I could change the world just by being alive, and that someone would actually miss me when I'm gone. Just maybe... Even if I were wrong, at least let me be a naive, little girl. Let me believe so.

So, ever since then, I'd always tell myself. Remember, never die for that person. Always say that you'd rather live for them instead :) Of course I'm not referring to situations when someone points a gun at your beloved. You're free to choose what to do then. Remember, there would always be someone who will be sad when you're gone. Be it your friends, or your family.

NEVER take your own life. Its just not time. There's actually so much more to do :) No matter how tired you are of life, there's just something to be discovered somewhere. For example...

Imagine if I took my own life back then. I wouldn't have been able to meet so many new friends :) Like, Lai Mun, Tsing, Yee Wen or even Mel. Haha. Not to mention the one of a kind Yan Leng. I wouldn't have been able to meet my friends in Taylor's. Or in IMU.
I wouldn't have the opportunity to learn that running is actually quite fun, and that Millers is the club that i've been searching for ;)
I wouldn't have been able to demand for chocolate *you know how you are!*
I wouldn't have found out that my thumbs hurt if I play too many octaves on the piano * as it is now >_>*
I wouldn't have been able to learn how heart wrenching is it to say goodbye to your friends; to learn that as we grow up, shit happens.
To learn that, the world just isn't as kind as I thought.

To learn that, sometimes, the unexpected just happens.

To also know that I can't pretend to put on a happy face in front of some people; that I can feel comfortable crying in front of them.

I wouldn't have been able to boast that I've been friends with P5 for 8 years now *and counting!*

And so much more.
I also wouldn't have the chance to touch patients. HAHA. Sounded a lil wrong there ;p
But hey, if the SP is hot.... *winks at E Li and Carr Men*

So yea...

See how much I would have missed?

Right. Time to stop procrastinating and go back to my AIR topic. Haha. Its been delayed for a week now X.X

My thumbs hurt :(

29th September 2009

P.S : You can give me a heads up if you wanna talk to me ;) I try to be on MSN most of the time now. Remember, I'm never too busy to talk to a friend. Of course, if you're like Ting Yu who likes to disturb for fun, I'd just ignore you ;P

Thank you Lord.

All these negative emotions, once they've reached the utmost peak you'd just feel like stoning.

Trying to escape from reality

Trying to sort things out.

Already twice in this year have I felt like this. Erm..thrice kinda.
The first was bad enough. I was almost late for an event.
The second was not too bad. At least I had someone to support me through the whole thing *you know who you are :)*
The third...is the worse one so far. You can't just toss all this information towards me and expect me to make sense of it in such a short time! The first news took a while to sink in. At least I was given time to prepare myself for the second one. But it was also abrupt all the same due to the sudden change.

I feel like crying but I can't.
I feel like screaming but I can't.
I feel like talking but I can't.

Right.

This is already halfway out of my system.
Sorry for the emo posts and status updates.

If you didn't notice it then....
Since when was I emo?

Lol.

Only one person said that.

It doesn't count if no one notices!

I'll be back to myself by monday. Gimme just one last day to emo before that k?

>.<

27th September 2009
1.52am

This year has been full of surprises, shocks, changes and news. Both good and bad alike.
It has also been chock full of challenges, ups and downs, and an altogether different type of happiness.

Right now, my heart really feels uneasy.
My mind is kinda blank.

All this information...all these changes...

Its too much and fast for me to take it all in.

A good teacher once told me that, if you're a good friend, you will not tell them your secrets.
I'll have to agree and disagree at that.

Agree because, sometimes you're just burdening your friend with the secret, and also you won't know how they would react.

Disagree because, friends are there to stick with you thru thick and thin. They're there for you to take that huge burden of your shoulders.

So many decisions, so many choices, so little time.

What would any of you have done in my position?
Listening is the easy part.
Living with the burden is the hard part.

Accepting the entire truth is the hardest part.

26th September 2009

Learning to let go of your past isn't easy. Especially if your past is filled with nothing but hurt. Of course, telling people all your past hurt really makes you feel lighter; like you've been cast off all the hurt and pain.

Like you've just been set free.

It really feels like a huge burden has been taken off my shoulders now. Just allowing me to rant and just knowing that you're listening has really helped me :)
Of course, the above is for two people. One who occasionally reads my blog, the other doesn't even come to my blog. Haha.

Thanks.

Just allowing me to rant, allowing me to just crap all the way, listening to whatever shit I say, listening to whatever crap I express.
I am now free.

Literally.

What I am in the past isn't really a proud thing. I was so useless, so weak, so alone; yearning for friendship, being cast aside like yesterday's old shirt.
In fact, as I was typing it out yesterday on MSN it really felt like I was the weakest person ever.

However, what's most important isn't your past. Its how you turn out to be despite your past.
I have learned to tolerate. I have learned to keep everything inside of me because in the past whenever I opened up, I was teared apart and pushed down. I have learned the true nature of human beings, I was shown just how cruel words can be, I also learned that not everyone is your true friend. In fact, their cruel words and actions really hurt me. Deeply. It left a wound that will never recover. It will forever leave me with a habit that two people are currently annoyed at :p

It left me with the inability to express my emotions properly and the inability to tell anyone a secret properly.

But it also left me with the ability to stand up after falling, left me with the ability to just ignore those hurtful words. It left me with the best of friends I could ever have. It left me with a rough judgment of the nature of my friends around me.

Despite all that, I'm still the naive little girl. The little girl who believes that people do have some good in them. I still believe that people are nice despite their actions and words. I still want to believe that; but reality isn't that kind nor forgiving.

Being able to pull myself up, being able to stand up after all that...
Still being able to smile.

Its all thanks to the people whom I've met, and the people who've taught me that sometimes, being smart isn't everything; being rich isn't everything. Being able to smile from your heart; THAT'S something. Being able to truly laugh from your heart. Being able to love, cry and share your experiences with people whom you love and cherish.

THAT'S how rich a person can get. Sure, without money you might not be able to survive. But to me, being rich means all of the above. Imagine that despite having all the money in the world but you can't smile at all.

That's tough.

Of course to SOME people *winks* They've already passed the sad period and have found happiness. Too bad the person whom I'm winking to doesn't read my blog xD

Ah well~ As a "wise" person told me, my past is my past. Its over. What's more important is what I become and how I handle whatever's coming up.

Lol.

Like my AIR topic T_T
And summatives T_T
And all sorts of crap T_T

LIKE MY MOCK OSCE!
AND PBL!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Die. PBL and mock OSCE on monday t.t

24th September 2009

Not that its a bad thing whatsoever :p

So yea...

Happy Birthday Yee Wen -nee~

This one was from so long ago~
Aha. Take care~ =)
All the best! Hope you're fine and dandy there!

21st September 2009

1.10am xD

edit : I can't post a youtube video here unless I want to block out my cbox. Go google it urself :p The music video's kinda sweet~

You Belong With Me - Taylor Swift Official Music Video

After watching the official music video, " You Belong With Me" by Taylor Swift, my confidence has dropped to an all time low.

She's.

So.

Pretty.

=S

Ahahaha. Pei Li has a crisis now :p
Sigh. Some people are just born pretty xD

I sound vain now.

Better stop before I end up being bashed by crates of tomatoes.

To-mah-toes.

Toes.

xD

Ok, I'll stop now.

20th September 2009.

Soooo....remember the times when we used to...

1. Ask each other maths question but end up answering it ourselves?
2. You always asking me about simple maths calculation?
3. I mean, I used to hide behind you while playing with Sarah?
4. Go out along with Sarah to buy pao from the nearby shops under the rain?
5. Push the turn to go bathe to each other until Miss Lee came? And read comics while falling asleep xD
   
6. Watch Naruto and Yakitate after tuition?
7. Again, I used to teach you how to play on the piano? Haha. Two successful songs eh?
8. And thanks for reminding me, help me finish up my last minute art folio xD
9. Talk about random stuff xD *neopets* *pokemon* AHAHAHA.
10. be very very very afraid of Pui Man.

Looking back, I feel kinda sad that I used to be like that. Haha. But hey, its part of growing up ;D
I miss those times right now =(

But Dianne, we will never change =)

Thanks to you, I've become stronger and I can now stand up better for myself right now. It is THAT much change dear =)

So anyways.... Here I am to say...

I

Love

You!

=)

Hope you liked the short post. Sorry la, too tired to think and reflect. Haha. Reflect.

:x

Sorry.

xD

Take care dearie~ Sorry its a day late.

We're all missing you~

Its 2am btw =P
12th September 2009

Right. So I've decided its time to make a bucket list! :D
Lol. This idea might have contributed to the fact that I've always wanted to do a bucket list but have never bothered to or I'm just too darn lazy xD

My bucket list is going to include long term and short term goals.

Sooooo....I need help! Gimme ur suggestions. LOGICAL ones please. Nothing too disturbing either ;p

1. Study AT LEAST 3 hours per day
2. Go on a road trip with just friends
3. Bungee jumping!
4. Travel to Japan for spring
5. Go mountain climbing
6. Learn how to rollerblade
7. *private* ;p
8. Stop going onto facebook so much >_>
9. Go on a holiday at least once a year
10. Travel to Venice!
11. See all the wonders of the world
12. Aiya, travel around the world la ;p
13. Go on a soul searching trip
14. TAKE A PICTURE WITH P5. EVERYONE. Haha
15. On the topic of pictures, take a picture of the night sky. With stars!!
    
16. Watch the sun rise. Haha. I always fail to wake up
17. Finish all the storybooks that I've bought but are yet to be opened
18. *private*
19. Have a reunion party with my primary friends ;D
    
20. Look for my long lost friend ;(
21. Learn how to cook an extravagant dish :D *Maggi mee or eggs are NOT extravagant ;p*

That's all I can think of. I need...4 more? Haha. Planning to 25 to start with.
Suggestions suggestions~

And its a nice day to blog too.

9.9.2009

Hmmm...does this mean I'll need 99 things on my list? @.@

Too bad its only 7.04 pm now. =P Instead of 9.09pm

One particular sensitive issue has just been bugging me lately >.<

When will this end? ><

Ah...the craziness and madness has just begun t.t

My legs are aching, my back is aching, my head is aching...

And I still have PBL to do.
Elective form to submit.
VARIETY NIGHT TO PREPARE

AAAA! I FORGOT TO PREPARE MY QC BOARD! T_T

Shall just scribble stuff :p

9 days and counting.

2nd September 2009