Home is Where the Heart is

So, have you ever regretted doing something?

I have plenty, and I'm not proud of it. But heck, sometimes you just gotta suck it up and make the best of it right?

I've regretted doing plenty of things, but for most of the cases its already too late to do anything about it. So, what do I do? Get my butt off and continue on with life of course.

So, to those of you who've regretted doing something, get your butt off and do something about it! Live life to the fullest and just make the best of whatever you've done.

Just read a manga on a girl who's always being left out and unnoticed. *Yes, I should really get to studying instead of reading new manga huh?*
And it touched a raw nerve.

Now, I know that until recently, I've never really stood out much. Just being here and there, here nor there, you get the idea. If I could rewind time, I would go back to my college years. But, meh. Too late for that.

All the ups and downs that I've been thru. All the happiness that I've experienced. All the laughter, disappointment and sadness that I've learned.

What the heck am I saying?

Back to studying. KICK ME OUT OF THE INTERNET! T_T

And please spam my facebook wall every now and then please. Thanks :P

Just read on facebook. So sorry to hear that.

Take care, and my condolences.

Remember, you still have your friends who are rooting for you. Stay strong.

Just got my results of where I'll be going next year. As of now, its Queen's Belfast University in nothern ireland.

Tentatively, i'll be leaving in September. That's 9 months for me to rot while waiting to fly over there. Considering of sitting for USMLE now, taking my grade 8 piano exam, sitting for my electone examination AND going for my violin examination. Haha. But i'll HAVE to pick up something medically related in the mean time right? I mean...duh.

Well...Belfast wasn't exactly my top choice but after a whole afternoon and evening of moping, I've decided to look at the bright side. Ah well, at least I'll be able to leave and see the world right? Most people don't even get the chance.

So here I am, wishing to tell all my friends...Thanks for sticking with me though all this time; whether its during primary, secondary school, college or uni. Thanks so much guys, you've made me into who I am right now :)

I'll miss you guys.

I make it sound like i'm leaving tomorrow o.o

Means family. Family means no one gets left behind.

Awww, how much I love that concept.
So...what does family mean to you? By growing up, I've learned that everyone comes from different family backgrounds.

Broken families.

Perfect families.

Families that aren't really families afterall.

Families that are just oh-so superficial.

Families that are rich.

Families that aren't that well off.

You get the gist of it. Everyone comes from different backgrounds. So tell me, would you agree if I said that your family influences a huge amount of how you'll turn out to be? Like, how anal you can be, how nice you can be, how friendly you can be. You get the drift. Rich kids tend to spend more. Haha. Sorry if I've offended you ting yu :p But the thing I can't stand the most is that, the rich kids start being all snobbish and stuff, and start looking down on people who aren't that well off. I mean...seriously? What the heck is your problem? Looks like the saying, birds of a feather flock together holds.

I've seen how "friends" of mine can just backstab me with no care in the world. I've also seen true friends who stick with me through whatever difficulties I have; regardless of how I've, embarassingly, abandoned them for at least 1 year plus. I'm so glad that these friends have welcomed me back with open arms, and what's more, we've become way much closer thanks to that.

I would say that my life revolves around my friends. I wouldn't say that I come from a perfect family. Something happened sometime ago and before I knew it, its just something that can no longer be patched up anymore.

Well, glad to say things aren't that bad but...sometimes I wish it could be better you know?
Family aside, I even have friends who treat me as family, friends who treat me as a friend, and friends who hate my guts in and out.

Which category do you fall under?

Oh. Not to mention, friends whom I thought were friends. haha.

So, 'fess up. Look deep into yourself. How much does this person mean to you, and in turn, how much do YOU mean to him/her?

So, do you think bullying is fun?

Bullying can be classified under many different categories. Verbal bullying, physical bullying, cyber bullying...etc.
Back when I was in primary school, I was often bullied by the guys in my class. Doesn't help that the girls whom I thought were my friends didn't stand up for me either. I still remember, confiding to another friend about it. She just shrugged it off and told me she'd help later. Apparently two friends playing was a lot more interesting than helping me.

The bully stole my stuff which when I recall, is really heartbreaking. Looking back, I feel pathetic and weak. Right now, I just feel anger. Why the hell did I not do something? My parents were struggling with work back then and I didn't want to burden them anymore so I didn't tell them a thing.

Right now, I just feel like using them as a punching bag. But to me, betrayal and ignorance is the worse kind of bullying. Betrayal, meaning you pretend to befriend the person in order to use that information against him/her. Ignorance meaning you befriend that person, get close to him/her, then start to ignore him/her. How would you feel? It freaking hurts dammit. It hurts really bad.

I just wish I can scream really really loud. Sometimes, human beings itself really disappoint me. I just wanna shout a string of curses, use something as a punching bag, and go back to studying right now.

Do you have any freaking idea how does the victim feel? Do you have any !$%@ idea?

Ok. Anger dissipated. Study time.

This makes my 200th post on this blog. Take care, and all the best to those who are facing exams soon.

And for those who are down in the dumps and feel really helpless...Know that I'm just a phone call away, or a fb msg away. You talk, I'll listen. Ok?

This "theme" was borrowed from tingyu. Haha.

So...WHY do I blog? I'd say initially I started blogging because it was the "in" thing to do. I'm sure quite a few of us here started blogging because of that. Looking at all my old posts from my previous blogs, I'm beginning to feel that, wth? I was THAT immature? Haha.

In fact, I just thought about it. My blogs now serve as a reminder of how childish I once was, and how much I've grown up over the years.

But I digress. Once I reached my college years, my blog was just a way of keeping my friends informed of what I was doing and so on. But then again, it seemed like I was really snobbish in college. Forgive me my friends for neglecting you.

Now its just a way of expressing my feelings every now and then. Random outbursts, random thoughts, random stuff...you get the gist of it. Well, blogs are a failure now. Kinda. Not everyone blogs anymore but I guess that's because life is in the way.

So yea.

And speaking of which, which part of your schooling life do you prefer? Or should I be more specific, which part would you wanna relive? Primary? Secondary? College? Uni?

I would rather relive my secondary school years. Primary was never any fun for me. Just a little but looking back, I'd rather not. College was ok for me to but if I were given the chance to relive my college years, I would be a little more boisterous and noisy. *Yes I know i'm noisy but you know what I mean*

Secondary school is where I meet my best friends. So much so that I consider some of them my sisters.

Primary school is where I hate bullies.

College is when I realized that I really hate physics. But only because I was bad in it and the fact I did not understand a single thing being thought did NOT help.

Done and done. I'm going to bed now. Sleepy :(

Just went for a concert :D

ADAM LAMBERT'S!

WOOHOOOOOOOOOOOO! IT WAS AWESOME XD
First concert, last minute decision and all the randomness that was chucked into it. The feeling was awesome.
Even managed to find out who are Lambert's fans :D

Right. Time to sleep.

Already figured out my new blog url. Shall be moving and setting it up soon :)

Aaaaaand, I shall give you guys a clue on my new url, cuz i'm not gonna announce it.

It's the same as my fanfiction ID.

Oh you want another clue? haha.

Its 2 words joined together. The first word is what I put as my phone bluetooth name for some time. Its the same word for light in japanese.

The 2nd word will be a little harder. Its a "group name" back when I was in secondary school.

I've set up the url as it is...so...happy guessing :)

P.S I will eventually post up the name of my blog. Just wanna...keep it mysterious...*spooky music plays*

P.P.S I think the blog will only be up and running in december xD

I'm gonna close down this blog and open a new one. This one is too messy for my liking. Plus the fact some of the old posts are really embarrassing for me to review. I mean seriously, how could I have been such an ass last time?

=.=

I'm proud to say I've changed. For better or for worse, I'll let you guys decide.

I do know that I've become more outspoken,
Less weird,
I do not "manja" anymore,
Am not as weak as I used to,
Less breakable,

And I'm closer to some friends, further away from some. *I guess this is the bad part?*

But either way, all of these; who I am now, what I've become, all the crap I've dragged myself into, all the happiness I've been thru...

All these are by my own decisions.

All those whom I've shut out of my life; those who think me unworthy in theirs, and hence mine, those whom I've let into my life, those that I want to keep next to me from now onwards, those who disowned me, and hence vice versa...

All these experiences have made me stronger and woken me up from that fairytale.

I do not believe life is a fairytale; where you're all goody two shoes and your knight in shining armour on a white horse will come and sweep you away...

Tsk. When has that ever happened to me? Or for most of my friends for that matter.

Life may not be a fairytale; but that doesn't give you the excuse to stop living.
Suck it up. Move on. Go forwards.

Grab your future with your own hands.

Like the word shit. Haha. Why? Because my mum added me on facebook. If I don't add her, she'll just harp on and on about it =.=

The statement I would like to make here is...

Friends who treat friends like shit aren't your friends :)

Full stop. 'nuff said.

So, I was on msn chatting with Sarah my sister and it was just something that i noticed over the past year.

We were just touching on the subject about how close we are to friends and it occured to me that, how much a person tells you stuff depends on how much YOU tell them stuff in the first place.

Take me as an example. *well, who else would there be? XD*

I've always thought that keeping everything to myself would be fine; not telling anyone about what's bothering me, bottling myself up and just sucking it in. Or so I thought.

Back when I was in secondary school, a tuition teacher which I really look up to once said that telling your secrets to someone else means burdening the other person. I really took those words to heart and it reinforced what I already am even more.

But I've also noticed one thing; I became more open once I learn how to tell people my stuff. I just felt...so free and light after telling. And let me tell you, I've only started telling my stuff to only my closest friends; stuff that i'm irked about, stuff that I can't take, stuff that i'm pissed at and stuff that are really embarrassing :p

By that simple act alone, I feel so much more relieved and I notice that by doing that, I just somehow feel closer to that person and that person will, in turn, tell me whatever that's bothering them too.

Back when I kept everything to myself, I've always wanted to help people by being a good listener. Problem was, nobody did tell me anything. Haha. Guess I had it coming.

By telling people how I feel, what I've been through, what's bothering me, what I wish to know from you...All these questions which I would have never asked previously... Well, let's just say it feels different now :p

In fact, someone told someone else who told me that I'm more talkative now. Haha. Thanks for the heads up li shin :p But I'll take it as a compliment :)

I also realize I'm better in crapping stuff up spontaneously now. Like how I was manning the booth for my club last week. While our club activities are dwindling, through some miraculous reason I managed to crap enough to make it sound like a lot. Honestly, I was shocked we had that many activities. Haha! Everyone even managed that I can really talk.

Heck, looking back if someone told me 6 years ago that I'm gonna be this open, talkative and confident of myself, I would have looked at that person with a really weird look and think that he/she is crazy. As a matter of fact, looking back, I feel so embarrassed by how I acted last time. All my decisions are just so absurd sometimes I really wonder what possessed me to do that. Some of my decisions were hasty and stupid too which made me really think...What the HECK was I thinking back then?

Wish I could travel through time and give myself a huge slap. *Sarah please don't slap. You've been virtually slapping me through MSN the whole day as it is :(*

But yea...That's just how things are now xD But I digress. This post was meant to be about how, by telling your secrets others will do the same. Not about how confident I've become.

Again take me for example :p
After telling my whole life's worth of stories *exaggerating*, she in turn told me stuff that she's going through. Stuff that I would never have guessed have been going on for quite some time then. So now the both of us keep each other grounded by having an ear to rant to and someone to slap me whenever I'm being stupid. Thanks, you know who you are :)

With the simple act of opening up to others, you have already allowed them to open up themselves to you. Its only human nature to avoid being hurt. But in order to let someone in, you'll have to make sure YOU are open up to them.

There, done ranting :)

Mel and ting yu, here's your update :p
And yea, sry bout the bday post mel :p i'll get to it. Next year. Hahahahha. Kidding :P

Once I...am not lazy :p

*casts revive level 5 on blog*

*waits a moment*

*fails*

Till next time :p

Besides, the only thing i ever do is rant on my blog. Other than the fact i've lost my pictures and therefore can't post up old pics :(

*digs among pictures from friendster*

This blog is officially declared DEAD.

:D

No more posts till I feel like it. But I will stop by to check on the cbox and to visit my friend's blogs. So...just leave a note in my cbox when u drop by k? :)

I'll reply :D

Or just message me on facebook. xD

Till the next post~

Sorry Mel, just to let you know, I have not forgotten about it :p
Gimme...some time. And i'll compile a nice post for you xD

Since mel insisted, i'll talk about my time at the ulu area.
Be prepared to kill me for wasting your time.

I left IMU at 3pm. Full stop.
Journey was just me listening to my Ipod. Full Stop.

Of course halfway there, one of my friend's who was carsick got..well..carsick. And puked. Ahaha. Ok not funny. She looked like she was reaaaally suffering. Gave her my plastic bag. Thank goodness we were already around the area.

I think we reached at about..5pm? :x I don't really recall. We then met up with the group who was already there. And then the Colonel, person, dude who was in charge said that girls aren't allowed to stay in the houses, and that we should stay in the hostel instead. Yikes~

Met up with Shyh Min and E Li and they said that apparently, the toilet floor in the hostel has cockroaches and that I should have brought along another pair of slippers just for the toilet alone. Which I didn't =.=

2 things I can't stand when out in the wilderness (LOL)
1. Mosquitoes
2. Dirty toilets. Or lack of it anyway. Haha

Mel, do I sound very robotic telling this story? Haha.

Moving on~

What happened next is REALLY ridiculous, looking back at it now. First, I had to drag my luggage halfway across towards the hostel. The bus doesn't go right in so he dropped us off somewhere with stairs leading towards the hostel. And mind you, I overpacked. My luggage is HUGE =.=

So after sweating (and maybe a little swearing), we finally reached it. And lo and behold, the hostels. The room isn't that bad seeing as the previous group has already cleaned it. Just a little stuffy. My original roomies decided to stay in the hostel so I joined 4 other girls who originally planned to stay in the house in the first place. If you're confused now, allow me to explain.

Months before, IMU gave us a piece of paper where we decide whom do we wanna stay with and where. Guys aren't allowed into the hostel so they have to stay in the houses. But there was no rule stated that girls aren't allowed to stay in the houses. Originally, my roomies and I were supposed to stay in the houses. Or thats what I thought until they told me that they've switched to the hostels before submitting the forms. Haha. Hence, I joined 4 other ppl who were kind enough to adopt me xD

Thank goodnes one of the guys drove. He picked us up from the hostel and we stayed in the extra house that the guy in charge gave. And whaddaya know..hell awaited us..

Ok not exactly. BUT, THE HOUSE IS A MESS. Not terribly so but..the floor is sandy...dusty...with blades of grass and leaves in it =.= The toilet wasn't THAT bad. There were cobwebs on the ceiling at isolated spots too. Well, I did ask for it xD After cleaning it up a little, while cursing and wondering if its true that it was a PACK of guys who stayed in it previously, I sprayed the entire house with repellent. By the time we were done, it was already 7pm.

The guys dropped by earlier to check on us and asking if we wanted to eat dinner. FYI, there is no stove in the house. The nearby restaurants are at least a good 15 minutes walk. At least. So, we played Bridge. Its a singaporean card game or smth like that xD We were about to turn into a pile of bones before the guys FINALLY came back with our dinner :D

And it was good~ xD

Just to add, there were 2 houses of guys. Only one of the house's left to eat and buy dinner. The other house didn't have any cars so the tapaued food had their portion too :)

And let me tell you this, whenever 11 guys are together, expect a riot. Haha. We played indian poker with penalties and stuff. Of course, according to one of the guys, what happens in here, stays within these walls. So, I won't go into any details about that. No videos, no pictures, nothing. Sorry~ xD

At about I-have-no-idea-what-time-later, the guys wanted to go mamak. One of the house's, which had 4 guys, declined and went back to sleep. While the girls, minus those from the hostel because they've already settled their dinner, and the other guys went off for mamak :D

Watching England vs Slovekia. Yea. 1-0. I believe that was the only match I watched.
At about 11pm, we went back. I THINK it was 11. Washed up, changed, etc etc. And, slept. That's it for Day 1 :)

Day 2 shall be even more exciting. Its the day which I believe led to me falling sick :p

With a capital F. Lol.

Reason no. 1. I don't blog using pictures, which makes it boring :x
Reason no. 2. The things I blog are boring.
Reason no. 3. I don't have anymore reasons. Haha!

Just updating for the sake of updating. And to appease ng tsing tsing :p

Yes, I'm very much alive here. Same old same old.
Oh, and if you ever need to detox yourself from good ol facebook...

Banish yourself to a god forsaken area with no internet, no entertainment and minimal luxuries.

I've been sent to KKB, a.k.a Kuala Kubu Baru for some hospital posting. There was only a fan at night, no internet, no fast food, no TV...

T_T

The good news is that, after I came back, I am no longer a facebook stalker :D
The bad news...well..there is no bad news :p Its all good. At least i'm no longer addicted =.=

So..from now on, why don't you suggest to me a topic to blog eh tsing? :p

Oh, on a side note, Lai Mun and Tsing just left for Sabah-land approx more than 12 hours ago xD

Er...bye? :p

Been out shopping, or should I say, "shopping" for two days in a row @.@

The first was with Stephy, Tsing and Yee Wen. We went sg wang, low yat and times square.

The next, which was today, was with Ca Men and Vien.

Next target, buy a dress :D

Yes. A dress. I love dresses now :D
Already own 2. I want a white and a black one. Hmmm...

Lady GaGa is awesome. With a capital A. Don't know what's with the huge commotion over her being a guy or smth =.=

Get off her back people. Yeesh.

On a side note, Glee's gonna sing her song, bad romance! Its FREAKING AWESOME!




Unfortunately due to copyright issues, the song which is done by the glee cast isn't on youtube. Go google around. You'll find it somewhere... :p

On another side note, Tsing, Lai Mun and Yee Wen are back! :D
Welcome back guys :)

Its ok Mel. We love you :p
And get well soon melly :)

Drink plenty of water. Not too much though.

When things feel lonely, know that you have a friend who's willing to listen.

*shall now be a little perasan and say this*

Me :D

P.S Justib Bieber is sooo overrated >_>

*sigh*

Its really hard to keep two worlds from clashing; especially if the people from those two worlds are, pardon the pun, worlds apart.

So...its hard not to feel left out. Heck, I'd be lying if i said I don't feel left out whenever I see one side doing things without me and discussing it all over the place.

Facebook is like a double edged sword to me. You see things that you wanna know, you see things that you don't wanna know; things that hurt you deep. Maybe that's why people just delete their contacts from their friend list. I'd understand why they did that. Sometimes, their statuses...the pictures...the discussions they have..it really hurts.

I've learned to brush that aside, just ignore it. But heck, I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt me at one point.

At this point, you're already wondering if are they really your friends, are they taking you for a fool or something. And of course, in times like these, you come to really know who your true friends are :)
















Mwahahahaha. I just killed your bandwidth :p

More pics when I find them. Amazing huh? My blog has been devoid of pics for so long :x

Thanks for cheering me up, person who will never read my blog :p

Or to be more specific, my mum :)

*belated mother's day dedication*

Let's start with the sappy stuff :D

I remember back when I was very young, other than the weekends, I rarely see my parents.
They had to work day and night just to supply for the family, so, I stayed with my grandparents. The only time I could see them was if they actually came home early for dinner. I remember straining my ears, trying to pick up the sound of the lock being opened at the front gate. I also recall calling my parents to see if they're coming back for dinner.

During the days when they would come back early for dinner, *my parents and grandparents live in separate houses but just across the road*, they would stay till they tuck me in bed at night. And that would be typically be about 10pm? Right after they've had their dinner, I would play around with them till its time to sleep.

I only started 'not sleeping' in my grandparents house when I was about in high school? Even then, there were times when my bro and I had to sleep with my grandparents because my parents had to work late nights.

Once their business flourished, we had slightly easier times. Now we could spend the whole weekends together, including Saturdays. Back then, I only looked forward to Sundays cuz that's the only time I could really spend time with them.

*This is turning out to be more of a parent's day dedication than a mother's day dedication*

And here is where it really turns out to be a mother's day dedication.

I still remembered on one occasion when I was really young and they took me out for a grocery shopping trip. It was a weekday.

As the supermarket was about to close, we exited with our purchases. And I saw a toy rabbit.
Me being a kid, wanted it but my mum said that they're closing soon so...no rabbit. Haha. I just put it back and walked away with that sad face :p No crying though, I was a good girl :p

What do you know? My mum bought that rabbit for my birthday, which was 2 weeks later. If I'm not mistaken.

In primary school, I sucked at history. Bad. And my mum was the one who slowly taught me how to memorize the emperor's name. You know...the sultan thingi. Haha.

Of course, in secondary school I was slightly rebellious and my mum put up with my attitude. Making sure I don't go out of control at the same time. My grades were getting worse but my mum encouraged me to do better. Thanks to her, I got an A for my add maths. Something I never achieved since form 4. Oh, and she taught me accounting so that I could ace my KH back in form 3. I was THAT BAD.

Recently in IMU, I was really fooling around and my grades suffered because of that.
Only my mum supported me and admonished me for my fooling around but knew that I learned from my mistakes.

At that point of time.

She was the one who tried to cheer me up by ignoring work for just one day, and just spending that whole day just being with me.

The more recent one, we went to IKEA and walked around :p

Even though it may look like nothing big to you guys, it really meant a lot to me.
That my mum would take off from work for one whole day just to spend time with me and cheer me up really meant a lot to me.

So, mum?

Happy Mother's Day :)

I'm the type who can't really express my feelings through actions and words out loud...so...

Thanks for everything that you've done for me.
Thanks for being there for me everytime I needed you.
Sorry that I've hurt you so many times..
Sorry for every wrong doing that I've done for all these years.

I love you mum :)

Scratch all three options. NONE are possible now =.=

My old GP doesn't accept students either :(

And my dad's friend isn't replying. Most prob overseas in fact.

SIIIGGGHHHHH.

Any GP willing to accept me? Haha

Looks like option 2 is out :(

The GP said they had bad experiences with medical students so they're no longer accepting medical students :(

T____T

Only option 1 and 3 left. Praying hard that option 1 will come true.

And tingyu, option 3 sounds tempting but its in seremban. Haha. And I don't think the doctor is really open to the idea. They haven't replied my dad until now =\

*SIGH*

Title says it all.

Dilemma with a capital D

D:

Should I go to a doctor who works in a private clinic? or a doctor who works in a private hospital?
Allow me to further elaborate the condition.

IMU wants us to do a general practitioner posting, meaning we get attached to a GP for 1 week. Now..I have 3 choices.

1. A family doctor who I used to go to back in Sri Petaling. Been seeing him since young but I kinda stopped when I grew up and moved. Unfortunately his clinic is pretty quiet compared to before.
   
2. Another GP i recently go to. By recently I mean the past few years. His clinic is busier. I think. And he provides FOMEMA. The maid thingi. More hi tech you can say :)
3. ANOTHER GP who works in a private hospital. My dad's friend's wife. But this ain't in a clinic. Its in a hospital =\

Gaaaah. I have another week before I submit the form but i'm still thinking :(

Which reminds me. It looks like no one reads blogs anymore. It used to be the hype back in our high school and college days. But looks like nobody blogs anymore.

Even those who promise to update their blogs after they've left for overseas *cough Mel and Yee Wen cough*

Oh well. Guess they're busy :)
Unlike me :)

Oh crap. Looks like I have to get my butt off the World Wide Web :x

Warning: The post below could give you confusion like how a psyduck does. If you don't know what's a psyduck, google it.

So...what makes us nice people?

People who treat other people nice? People who do everything others say? People who don't fight back? People who are sweet? People who say what others want to hear?

I shall now be a little thick face and say that people has called me a nice person.
But I beg to differ.

I am not your typical "nice" person. I behave like a gangster half the time back in high school, I'm a rebel, I skip classes, *shhh, dun let my mum know but i do skip lectures :p* , I LOVE dressing like a gangster, I dislike people, I curse alot back then.

And the worse part is..

I DON'T DO MY HOMEWORK.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Bet that last line went kinda potong huh? xD

But you get what I mean. Hehe. Looking back, I kept saying to myself...WHAT WAS I THINKING?

Of all the stupid things and situations I could have gotten myself into.. Tsk tsk.

BUT, we learn from our mistakes :)

I am proud to say I am NOT a nice person, but generally I can be nice. Haha.

I love my friends and family and I really appreciate every second I can spend with them. Unless you're one of those people whom I don't like.

Someone posted on her status saying along the lines that we should be nice because you know...there's evil in the world. Etc etc. Nice-ness is becoming rare and stuff :x

I agree with her statement but how do you define whether is a person nice?

For example, let's compare two people. One person is really outspoken while the other doesn't really say whats on their mind. Now...in a situation both have the same thoughts. The outspoken one says whats on their mind, while the other one keeps it to themselves. Let's put it this way, the reply is not a really nice one.

Did I just lose you? Haha.

To put it in a nutshell, both parties have the same thoughts, but only one says it out. So, obviously, as human beings you would say that the one who said their mind is mean while the other person is a nice one.

You could say that some people lack a filter to their words.

I have NO idea what I'm trying to point out of all this. Haha.

Pineapple from the tin + Ribena = AWESOME

:D

'Nuff said.

And that is the truth and nothing but the truth.

You may be joking when you say that. But the truth is, it cuts deeper than just being a joke. So much so that I now feel like I can't do it anymore.

Its not fair that you can say and laugh it off as a joke.

Its so unfair that you can just dismiss it and say all those things about me.

What I really want is your praise, encouragement...Anything to help keep me going. I'm already down as it is because of all the doubts I have about myself.

"Was it the right thing to do?"
"Did I make the right decision?"

All those doubts are already deeply rooted within me and all I wanted was encouragement.

Is that too much to ask?

Instead, you start joking about my inability to do and perform well.

Some people would take this in stride and try prove them wrong.
Ever thought that there will always be people who will crash and burn just because of that simple 'joke'?

I'm trying my best to prove you wrong. But if you were to weigh it on a scale, the proving you wrong part is slowly tipping to the other end of the scale.

The crash and burn part.

I really want to prove you wrong. But the more you say and do all these things to me, the less confident I become.

So far, only three people has given me the encouragement that I can do it. And out of those 3, there is 1 I don't really know, and the other 2 are nowhere nearby.

I guess all I want is someone verbally telling me..

"Pei Li. You can do it. So what if they're joking about your abilities. I believe you can do it."

Is that too much to ask?

And that's why I uploaded this temp layout. May or may not keep it. We'll see.

Looks like the only reason I update my blog is when I wanna rant >.<
First up...

Do I look THAT unreliable?

Nobody seems to tell me things. Well...its kinda hurts my pride :p
The people around me prefer telling their secrets and stuff to other people around me. Its not that I mind much. But it does give me the impression that you think I can't keep a secret. And THAT is what really really hurts me. Hehe. Maybe I'm just too sensitive. But it hasn't happened just once. Its happened a few times.

Secondly...

I absolutely hate people who assume I know everything. They just tell me at the last minute or don't let me know at all. In the end, I find it out because someone else just randomly asks me, am I still going for this, do I know about this. Now THAT is that really irks me. Its happened plenty of times and though I don't show it, I really am pissed at that.

Like really pissed.

So therefore, I have an extremely short temper now. I'm pissed as I type this. I'm pissed just thinking about all the times it has happened to me. I'm pissed just trying to think about it.

Shows just how pissed I am.

Anyways, IMU ball a.k.a prom 's this saturday.

@.@

Finally got kinda used to wearing contacts. I didn't take one whole hour to put it on this time! :D

Just 30 minutes.

HEY! Improvement k! :p

I have every right to leave my blog red. :p

I'll change it when I have the time. Haha. No. I don't have the time now. I'd rather be typing junk for you guys to see than changing the layout.

First of all.

Growing up sucks.

Big time.

Major big time.

But hell, its part of life.

So, to anyone who's feeling a little down, you're not alone.
I'm hiding a painful past and present which is nothing to be proud of.

So to a certain someone, who is nicknamed snow white, you're not alone.
Let's strive to do our very best ya? :)

6th March 2010

P.S Yes Steph. I know chap goh mei has come and gone. I'm still not changing it yet :p

The title says it all.

Happy CNY guys :)

They always say that animals are really sensitive to their surroundings and can detect stuff that humans can't. How would you react...if I told you this situation really happened to me?

I was just talking to a friend while standing, when her dog just stood up with the front paws on the couch, to lick my hand?

After that, the dog just walked away.

3rd Feb 2010

Looks like this is but a huge step in growing up.

Separations are inevitable. Just because it will happen and it always happens, doesn't mean we don't feel a thing when it happens.

It always hurts.

No matter how happy a note we leave that person...no matter how much time we've tried to spend with that person before separating...

It always hurts.

On another topic, yes i'm random, sometimes there are things we can't tell because of how well we know that person.

For example...if you have a huge secret...you might feel ok telling it to someone whom you've only known for a year or two. But you would be dead afraid of telling it to someone whom you've known for nearly a decade. Or maybe this just applies to me. Who knows? Why am I afraid?

I'm afraid of rejection. Afraid that the person's point of view will change...just plain afraid that the person won't accept me. So very insecure and afraid...

My best friend told me this though. Sure. But you can also look at it both ways. Its because we're that close...that we know we can tell that person. That person will always be by your side, supporting your decision. Because I'm me. And no one else can replace me.

Also, if your best friend is a true friend through and through, he/she will only leave when you say, goodbye. I don't need you anymore. This was once again said by my friend.
How it really hurt me when I read this sentence. I told myself...I will never say that. Not only will it hurt my friend, it will deeply hurt me. A scar that will never heal. I would be devastated and it would kill me inside.

Well, that's what friends are for afterall. True friends stick with you through thick and thin. True friends would never get closer to you for something. True friends would never simply judge you. And true friends will definitely help you no matter what.

So far, all of my closest friends have gone overseas. Only a few are still around peninsular and another one is about to leave me soon.

I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. Maybe this is just another of His will. Its a sign telling me to learn how to stand on my own two feet. No more leaning and being fully dependent on someone else when I'm hurt. I would just have to deal with it. Sure, I can ease the pain by sharing it. But sometimes...I just have to keep it to myself.

Being hurt is a part of growing up. All the sadness and sorrow are also a part of life. Of course, with every action, there's an opposite and equal reaction right? With sadness and sorrow, there's always happiness and hope. Happiness by being truly alive, and hope for a better future.

Also, hope that we will meet again soon.

To all my friends who are overseas, do know that I truly cherished the times we had together. And that I miss you guys everyday. Gone were the days where I can just drop an sms or a phone call asking you guys out. However, with technology, sometimes, it feels like you guys are still in Malaysia.

So here's a wish and prayer. That you guys will stay safe and that we will meet in the near future.

Of course, to Tsing and Lai Mun who are just technically still in Malaysia, the above applies to you :p

Take good care guys :)

Love ya~

:D

27th Jan 2010

Yea...its going to be Feb. I know. Sue me :p

How time flies huh? Just imagine this...

13 years ago, I would be in primary school. Standard 1. I was really small in size and would always be bullied. Not exactly happy memories.

8 years ago and I'm in secondary school. Where I would meet friends whom I trust till this very day.

3 years ago. Started Taylor's.

2 years ago. Final year in Taylor's.

Last year. Started semester 2 in IMU.

Yea...how things have changed. How the people around me have changed.
Guess this is what you call maturity? xD

Or growing up :x

Also sad to see that nobody blogs anymore :x
Am I the only sad one? :p

26th Jan 2010

Tell me...when was the last time you just dropped whatever you were doing, and just stopped to smell the roses? I can proudly say the last time I did was just a few hours ago.

But of course that was just the most recent one :p

The one before this would have been a very very long time ago. Way back to when I was in high school I believe.

Sad huh? I know.

And even in high school itself, I remember it was in lower secondary.

Even sadder >_>

So...remember. We need a break sometimes. Time waits for no one afterall. What's past can no longer return. So many things I could have done...yet..

20th January 2010

Life goes on for all of us. Despite everything that happens to you...despite all the hardships you go through, despite all the hurdles...

Time waits for no man.

So...live your life while you can. As the song Kris Allen goes, " We gotta live like we're dying".

If you have a thought, put it into motion.
If you have something to say, say it immediately, after thinking of the consequences.
If you have something to do, do it immediately. No point pushing it till the last minute right?
If you have something to love, love it with all your heart.
If you have something you miss, go and get it back.

Don't let the day past while you're filled with regrets :)

-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Can someone help me with blogger? t.t I'm having trouble inserting a background again t.t The blue colour is too...melancholic :x

And I still can't fix the stupid date thing =.=

20th January 2010

My new year starts now!

HAPPY NEW YEAR! xD

Let all the unpleasantness through out the 2 weeks since the 1st January 2010 get flushed out of my system.

11th January 2010

Why is that? I just can't seem to feel any emotions anymore.
I don't feel happy...
I don't feel sad...
I don't feel angry...
I don't feel disappointed...
I don't feel nervous...
I don't feel hate...
I don't feel love...

I just don't anymore. Looking back...I guess I started feeling this way back in form 3. By closing up my heart to everything, I shut everything out.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Aaanyways, I'm on a baking spree! If it weren't for the fact that we still have my brother's birthday cake, plus all the cookies I recently baked...I would have moved on to gingerbread! But yea...=\
Leftovers.

And its all with chocolate chips! I mean...if there weren't any I would have offered some to my dogs :p They LOVE cookies. Haha. But honestly, my baking goes unappreciated in my house =.=

Especially my brother. He keeps complaining and yet he eats it =.=

Grrrr....

Sometimes I just feel so unappreciated =\
But hey, that's just me :p

I know it sounds kinda thick faced to say this but...would anyone like to try when i make another batch? :x

I promise you won't choke >.<

10 Januray 2010

Heh. It sucks being a failure.
But I guess each failure is but a stepping stone in life.

Well...huge day today. Lol. Burnt a huge batch of cookies :(

Went IKEA and bought a new chair~

Too many things happening at once.

*SIGHHHH*

Ah well. Life moves on.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Niways...here's my new year's resolution!

1. To keep my new year's resolution
2. Stop procrastinating
3. Always be on time. Try...aiming to reach the destination 30 minutes before the promised time
4. Stop buying story books until I finish reading all my new ones. *which might never happen*
5. GO JAPAN! :D

Number 5 might not happen this year though :x

8th January 2010

Goodbye 2009.


2009 was the worst year ever. To me anyway.
Why do I say that?

2009 was the year I failed and had to retake.
2009 was the year where most of my friends left to further their studies.
2009 was the year where I learned so many shocking news.
2009 was the year where Yasmin Ahmad passed away.
Also the year Michael Jackson passed away. Leaving behind a legacy.

Many more too have left us, leaving only a legacy.

2009 was also the year where I learnt so many truths.
Also the year I heard a lot of lies.

Everything has its own pros and cons. 2009 felt like a year full of cons.

This didn't exactly turn out the way I envisioned this post to be. Haha.
Hearing my family being hurt...getting myself feel hurt...Being hurt by people who I thought were my friends...

It hasn't been a pretty year. No siree. It hasn't.

Let's hope that 2010 brings with it good fortune and good luck.
The wind of change has to start blowing away all this misfortune.

2010 is a fresh start. The start of a new year. A new beginning.

Sorry for the emo starter :p

Happy New Year guys! :)