I am not going to post the pictures of my hike :p
Fine! I'm lazy! Happy? Haha. I hate uploading pics because it takes ridiculously long. Unless if I do it at 5am in the morning. When the internet is fast in Malaysia >_>
So I've been thinking, *which is bad since i'm supposed to be studying*, I really wanna change myself. For real. The big step has to be now when i'm still surrounded by people whom I know will back me up if something goes wrong. Not when i'm alone in a foreign land.
Question is...How?
I'm not the type to just initiate conversation just like that. I'm not the type to just randomly go up to people and introduce myself. I'm not one to talk. I listen. I don't initiate conversation, I go with it. But I know, this has to change.
I tried once. I really did. I started a conversation. But it always ends up in awkward silence. I try to keep the conversation flowing but after a while, I just feel so tired mentally I'll just keep quiet.
The problem with humans, or any sociable living animal for that matter, is that they tend to stick with those that talk. Those that are leaders. Hey, i'm sure you'd rather stick with a friend who's friendly than a more quiet friend right? It takes a lot of courage and personality to go up to a quiet friend when you're the center of attention. For example, picture this. You're popular. The center of everything. You have tons of friends. But you notice a lonely figure, feeling left out from everything. Just sitting alone, watching you and all your friends with sad eyes but just sits there. What would you do? Would you leave your position of being with the crowd just to go to that lonely person? I'm sure you won't. You'd most probably look away, pretending you didn't see anything and continue right?
But I digress.
I really want to change but its so deeply ingrained in me to be who I am. Sure, I've changed since high school I will admit. Not much, I think. But change is change. Being more open than before, actually initiating conversation, being much more confident in myself, my view on life in general and my own.
So much has changed. I've changed from that naive, clingy, unconfident, quiet girl to what I am. Still naive, still clingy, slightly more confident, less quiet. Haha. Still learning how to tell between right and wrong, still having problems choosing friends wisely, still finding my place, still searching.
Well, the change is still in progress but I have tried to change myself since starting IMU.
First of all, I've tried to be more friendly by starting conversations. Unfortunately, that didn't go too well as I would often be at a loss as to what to continue the conversations with. Also, I seem to tire easily just by doing all that. It was TOO drastic a change for my mind to handle I guess.
Next, I've tried to change my clothing style. Being in IMU means that we can't really wear t-shirts and jeans. But that doesn't mean I cheated a little :p I do wear t-shirts. With collar. Haha. I wear sneakers. But those that are black, with little design so that the guards won't notice. Unfortunately, the CSU sisters did. Haha. I wear formal pants. Everytime. How did I change?
Well, I decided to go for a more casual formal, semi-formal look. My 'formal' clothes aren't exactly the formal t-shirts. I guess you'll have to see it to understand what i'm trying to say :p I've ditched formal clothes for many reasons. Main reason being, ITS UNCOMFORTABLE DAMMIT. Whoever invented formal clothes must have put COMFORT at the bottom of the list. I have broad shoulders. Wearing a S size meant that its kinda tight at my shoulders. Wearing an M would mean that the shirt looked too big on me ==" Gah. So I gave up wearing formal, wearing it only if I have to.
Next, I changed my hairstyle. Well..if you call leaving my hair long changing my hairstyle. The reason I chopped my hair back in secondary school was because it was such a bother. I could never keep my hair neat. Well...to tell you the truth. The same applies now :p But I've decided to tell myself this. If my hair is long, I can always cut it short. More choices on how to style it xD But if I cut it short...I have limited choices. Well...Its all bullshit seeing as I kinda contradict myself by not cutting it >_> And by cutting it short, it usually means the hairstylists will cut my fringe short. Which is something I absolutely hate for the rest of my life. I don't like having my hair in my eyes.
Unfortunately, as we all know, you tell the hairstylists one thing, they'll insist on cutting it just a little shorter >_>
Well. That's just on the outside. How do I change on the inside? Other than being more outspoken, friendly and communicative? I guess I'll go for being independent for now. Seems like the easiest thing. No?
Sigh. Guess this means its time to try staying in Vista. And see how I suffer xD Still considering it as I don't know how my parents will react. My main concern would be food since i'm so picky :p
Ah well. This seemed more like a rant >_> Sorry. Couldn't help myself xD
Lets see...I guess I should learn by now to never promise to post something since I'll always be too lazy to do so. Haha! The pics...will be up when I feel like it :p
Well...that is, if you wanna see it. I mean, if there are no enthusiastic responses I'll take it as, you've already seen it on facebook and no longer have the interest to see me post repetitive stuff.
So..till then.
1st of December 2009
P.S. Looks like someone is gonna hit the big two-oh tomorrow, the 2nd of December 2009 :p Happy Early Birthday :)
Fine! I'm lazy! Happy? Haha. I hate uploading pics because it takes ridiculously long. Unless if I do it at 5am in the morning. When the internet is fast in Malaysia >_>
So I've been thinking, *which is bad since i'm supposed to be studying*, I really wanna change myself. For real. The big step has to be now when i'm still surrounded by people whom I know will back me up if something goes wrong. Not when i'm alone in a foreign land.
Question is...How?
I'm not the type to just initiate conversation just like that. I'm not the type to just randomly go up to people and introduce myself. I'm not one to talk. I listen. I don't initiate conversation, I go with it. But I know, this has to change.
I tried once. I really did. I started a conversation. But it always ends up in awkward silence. I try to keep the conversation flowing but after a while, I just feel so tired mentally I'll just keep quiet.
The problem with humans, or any sociable living animal for that matter, is that they tend to stick with those that talk. Those that are leaders. Hey, i'm sure you'd rather stick with a friend who's friendly than a more quiet friend right? It takes a lot of courage and personality to go up to a quiet friend when you're the center of attention. For example, picture this. You're popular. The center of everything. You have tons of friends. But you notice a lonely figure, feeling left out from everything. Just sitting alone, watching you and all your friends with sad eyes but just sits there. What would you do? Would you leave your position of being with the crowd just to go to that lonely person? I'm sure you won't. You'd most probably look away, pretending you didn't see anything and continue right?
But I digress.
I really want to change but its so deeply ingrained in me to be who I am. Sure, I've changed since high school I will admit. Not much, I think. But change is change. Being more open than before, actually initiating conversation, being much more confident in myself, my view on life in general and my own.
So much has changed. I've changed from that naive, clingy, unconfident, quiet girl to what I am. Still naive, still clingy, slightly more confident, less quiet. Haha. Still learning how to tell between right and wrong, still having problems choosing friends wisely, still finding my place, still searching.
Well, the change is still in progress but I have tried to change myself since starting IMU.
First of all, I've tried to be more friendly by starting conversations. Unfortunately, that didn't go too well as I would often be at a loss as to what to continue the conversations with. Also, I seem to tire easily just by doing all that. It was TOO drastic a change for my mind to handle I guess.
Next, I've tried to change my clothing style. Being in IMU means that we can't really wear t-shirts and jeans. But that doesn't mean I cheated a little :p I do wear t-shirts. With collar. Haha. I wear sneakers. But those that are black, with little design so that the guards won't notice. Unfortunately, the CSU sisters did. Haha. I wear formal pants. Everytime. How did I change?
Well, I decided to go for a more casual formal, semi-formal look. My 'formal' clothes aren't exactly the formal t-shirts. I guess you'll have to see it to understand what i'm trying to say :p I've ditched formal clothes for many reasons. Main reason being, ITS UNCOMFORTABLE DAMMIT. Whoever invented formal clothes must have put COMFORT at the bottom of the list. I have broad shoulders. Wearing a S size meant that its kinda tight at my shoulders. Wearing an M would mean that the shirt looked too big on me ==" Gah. So I gave up wearing formal, wearing it only if I have to.
Next, I changed my hairstyle. Well..if you call leaving my hair long changing my hairstyle. The reason I chopped my hair back in secondary school was because it was such a bother. I could never keep my hair neat. Well...to tell you the truth. The same applies now :p But I've decided to tell myself this. If my hair is long, I can always cut it short. More choices on how to style it xD But if I cut it short...I have limited choices. Well...Its all bullshit seeing as I kinda contradict myself by not cutting it >_> And by cutting it short, it usually means the hairstylists will cut my fringe short. Which is something I absolutely hate for the rest of my life. I don't like having my hair in my eyes.
Unfortunately, as we all know, you tell the hairstylists one thing, they'll insist on cutting it just a little shorter >_>
Well. That's just on the outside. How do I change on the inside? Other than being more outspoken, friendly and communicative? I guess I'll go for being independent for now. Seems like the easiest thing. No?
Sigh. Guess this means its time to try staying in Vista. And see how I suffer xD Still considering it as I don't know how my parents will react. My main concern would be food since i'm so picky :p
Ah well. This seemed more like a rant >_> Sorry. Couldn't help myself xD
Lets see...I guess I should learn by now to never promise to post something since I'll always be too lazy to do so. Haha! The pics...will be up when I feel like it :p
Well...that is, if you wanna see it. I mean, if there are no enthusiastic responses I'll take it as, you've already seen it on facebook and no longer have the interest to see me post repetitive stuff.
So..till then.
1st of December 2009
P.S. Looks like someone is gonna hit the big two-oh tomorrow, the 2nd of December 2009 :p Happy Early Birthday :)
