Home is Where the Heart is

I'm gonna close down this blog and open a new one. This one is too messy for my liking. Plus the fact some of the old posts are really embarrassing for me to review. I mean seriously, how could I have been such an ass last time?

=.=

I'm proud to say I've changed. For better or for worse, I'll let you guys decide.

I do know that I've become more outspoken,
Less weird,
I do not "manja" anymore,
Am not as weak as I used to,
Less breakable,

And I'm closer to some friends, further away from some. *I guess this is the bad part?*

But either way, all of these; who I am now, what I've become, all the crap I've dragged myself into, all the happiness I've been thru...

All these are by my own decisions.

All those whom I've shut out of my life; those who think me unworthy in theirs, and hence mine, those whom I've let into my life, those that I want to keep next to me from now onwards, those who disowned me, and hence vice versa...

All these experiences have made me stronger and woken me up from that fairytale.

I do not believe life is a fairytale; where you're all goody two shoes and your knight in shining armour on a white horse will come and sweep you away...

Tsk. When has that ever happened to me? Or for most of my friends for that matter.

Life may not be a fairytale; but that doesn't give you the excuse to stop living.
Suck it up. Move on. Go forwards.

Grab your future with your own hands.

Like the word shit. Haha. Why? Because my mum added me on facebook. If I don't add her, she'll just harp on and on about it =.=

The statement I would like to make here is...

Friends who treat friends like shit aren't your friends :)

Full stop. 'nuff said.

So, I was on msn chatting with Sarah my sister and it was just something that i noticed over the past year.

We were just touching on the subject about how close we are to friends and it occured to me that, how much a person tells you stuff depends on how much YOU tell them stuff in the first place.

Take me as an example. *well, who else would there be? XD*

I've always thought that keeping everything to myself would be fine; not telling anyone about what's bothering me, bottling myself up and just sucking it in. Or so I thought.

Back when I was in secondary school, a tuition teacher which I really look up to once said that telling your secrets to someone else means burdening the other person. I really took those words to heart and it reinforced what I already am even more.

But I've also noticed one thing; I became more open once I learn how to tell people my stuff. I just felt...so free and light after telling. And let me tell you, I've only started telling my stuff to only my closest friends; stuff that i'm irked about, stuff that I can't take, stuff that i'm pissed at and stuff that are really embarrassing :p

By that simple act alone, I feel so much more relieved and I notice that by doing that, I just somehow feel closer to that person and that person will, in turn, tell me whatever that's bothering them too.

Back when I kept everything to myself, I've always wanted to help people by being a good listener. Problem was, nobody did tell me anything. Haha. Guess I had it coming.

By telling people how I feel, what I've been through, what's bothering me, what I wish to know from you...All these questions which I would have never asked previously... Well, let's just say it feels different now :p

In fact, someone told someone else who told me that I'm more talkative now. Haha. Thanks for the heads up li shin :p But I'll take it as a compliment :)

I also realize I'm better in crapping stuff up spontaneously now. Like how I was manning the booth for my club last week. While our club activities are dwindling, through some miraculous reason I managed to crap enough to make it sound like a lot. Honestly, I was shocked we had that many activities. Haha! Everyone even managed that I can really talk.

Heck, looking back if someone told me 6 years ago that I'm gonna be this open, talkative and confident of myself, I would have looked at that person with a really weird look and think that he/she is crazy. As a matter of fact, looking back, I feel so embarrassed by how I acted last time. All my decisions are just so absurd sometimes I really wonder what possessed me to do that. Some of my decisions were hasty and stupid too which made me really think...What the HECK was I thinking back then?

Wish I could travel through time and give myself a huge slap. *Sarah please don't slap. You've been virtually slapping me through MSN the whole day as it is :(*

But yea...That's just how things are now xD But I digress. This post was meant to be about how, by telling your secrets others will do the same. Not about how confident I've become.

Again take me for example :p
After telling my whole life's worth of stories *exaggerating*, she in turn told me stuff that she's going through. Stuff that I would never have guessed have been going on for quite some time then. So now the both of us keep each other grounded by having an ear to rant to and someone to slap me whenever I'm being stupid. Thanks, you know who you are :)

With the simple act of opening up to others, you have already allowed them to open up themselves to you. Its only human nature to avoid being hurt. But in order to let someone in, you'll have to make sure YOU are open up to them.

There, done ranting :)

Mel and ting yu, here's your update :p
And yea, sry bout the bday post mel :p i'll get to it. Next year. Hahahahha. Kidding :P

Once I...am not lazy :p

*casts revive level 5 on blog*

*waits a moment*

*fails*

Till next time :p

Besides, the only thing i ever do is rant on my blog. Other than the fact i've lost my pictures and therefore can't post up old pics :(

*digs among pictures from friendster*

This blog is officially declared DEAD.

:D

No more posts till I feel like it. But I will stop by to check on the cbox and to visit my friend's blogs. So...just leave a note in my cbox when u drop by k? :)

I'll reply :D

Or just message me on facebook. xD

Till the next post~

Sorry Mel, just to let you know, I have not forgotten about it :p
Gimme...some time. And i'll compile a nice post for you xD

Since mel insisted, i'll talk about my time at the ulu area.
Be prepared to kill me for wasting your time.

I left IMU at 3pm. Full stop.
Journey was just me listening to my Ipod. Full Stop.

Of course halfway there, one of my friend's who was carsick got..well..carsick. And puked. Ahaha. Ok not funny. She looked like she was reaaaally suffering. Gave her my plastic bag. Thank goodness we were already around the area.

I think we reached at about..5pm? :x I don't really recall. We then met up with the group who was already there. And then the Colonel, person, dude who was in charge said that girls aren't allowed to stay in the houses, and that we should stay in the hostel instead. Yikes~

Met up with Shyh Min and E Li and they said that apparently, the toilet floor in the hostel has cockroaches and that I should have brought along another pair of slippers just for the toilet alone. Which I didn't =.=

2 things I can't stand when out in the wilderness (LOL)
1. Mosquitoes
2. Dirty toilets. Or lack of it anyway. Haha

Mel, do I sound very robotic telling this story? Haha.

Moving on~

What happened next is REALLY ridiculous, looking back at it now. First, I had to drag my luggage halfway across towards the hostel. The bus doesn't go right in so he dropped us off somewhere with stairs leading towards the hostel. And mind you, I overpacked. My luggage is HUGE =.=

So after sweating (and maybe a little swearing), we finally reached it. And lo and behold, the hostels. The room isn't that bad seeing as the previous group has already cleaned it. Just a little stuffy. My original roomies decided to stay in the hostel so I joined 4 other girls who originally planned to stay in the house in the first place. If you're confused now, allow me to explain.

Months before, IMU gave us a piece of paper where we decide whom do we wanna stay with and where. Guys aren't allowed into the hostel so they have to stay in the houses. But there was no rule stated that girls aren't allowed to stay in the houses. Originally, my roomies and I were supposed to stay in the houses. Or thats what I thought until they told me that they've switched to the hostels before submitting the forms. Haha. Hence, I joined 4 other ppl who were kind enough to adopt me xD

Thank goodnes one of the guys drove. He picked us up from the hostel and we stayed in the extra house that the guy in charge gave. And whaddaya know..hell awaited us..

Ok not exactly. BUT, THE HOUSE IS A MESS. Not terribly so but..the floor is sandy...dusty...with blades of grass and leaves in it =.= The toilet wasn't THAT bad. There were cobwebs on the ceiling at isolated spots too. Well, I did ask for it xD After cleaning it up a little, while cursing and wondering if its true that it was a PACK of guys who stayed in it previously, I sprayed the entire house with repellent. By the time we were done, it was already 7pm.

The guys dropped by earlier to check on us and asking if we wanted to eat dinner. FYI, there is no stove in the house. The nearby restaurants are at least a good 15 minutes walk. At least. So, we played Bridge. Its a singaporean card game or smth like that xD We were about to turn into a pile of bones before the guys FINALLY came back with our dinner :D

And it was good~ xD

Just to add, there were 2 houses of guys. Only one of the house's left to eat and buy dinner. The other house didn't have any cars so the tapaued food had their portion too :)

And let me tell you this, whenever 11 guys are together, expect a riot. Haha. We played indian poker with penalties and stuff. Of course, according to one of the guys, what happens in here, stays within these walls. So, I won't go into any details about that. No videos, no pictures, nothing. Sorry~ xD

At about I-have-no-idea-what-time-later, the guys wanted to go mamak. One of the house's, which had 4 guys, declined and went back to sleep. While the girls, minus those from the hostel because they've already settled their dinner, and the other guys went off for mamak :D

Watching England vs Slovekia. Yea. 1-0. I believe that was the only match I watched.
At about 11pm, we went back. I THINK it was 11. Washed up, changed, etc etc. And, slept. That's it for Day 1 :)

Day 2 shall be even more exciting. Its the day which I believe led to me falling sick :p

With a capital F. Lol.

Reason no. 1. I don't blog using pictures, which makes it boring :x
Reason no. 2. The things I blog are boring.
Reason no. 3. I don't have anymore reasons. Haha!

Just updating for the sake of updating. And to appease ng tsing tsing :p

Yes, I'm very much alive here. Same old same old.
Oh, and if you ever need to detox yourself from good ol facebook...

Banish yourself to a god forsaken area with no internet, no entertainment and minimal luxuries.

I've been sent to KKB, a.k.a Kuala Kubu Baru for some hospital posting. There was only a fan at night, no internet, no fast food, no TV...

T_T

The good news is that, after I came back, I am no longer a facebook stalker :D
The bad news...well..there is no bad news :p Its all good. At least i'm no longer addicted =.=

So..from now on, why don't you suggest to me a topic to blog eh tsing? :p

Oh, on a side note, Lai Mun and Tsing just left for Sabah-land approx more than 12 hours ago xD

Er...bye? :p

Been out shopping, or should I say, "shopping" for two days in a row @.@

The first was with Stephy, Tsing and Yee Wen. We went sg wang, low yat and times square.

The next, which was today, was with Ca Men and Vien.

Next target, buy a dress :D

Yes. A dress. I love dresses now :D
Already own 2. I want a white and a black one. Hmmm...

Lady GaGa is awesome. With a capital A. Don't know what's with the huge commotion over her being a guy or smth =.=

Get off her back people. Yeesh.

On a side note, Glee's gonna sing her song, bad romance! Its FREAKING AWESOME!




Unfortunately due to copyright issues, the song which is done by the glee cast isn't on youtube. Go google around. You'll find it somewhere... :p

On another side note, Tsing, Lai Mun and Yee Wen are back! :D
Welcome back guys :)

Its ok Mel. We love you :p
And get well soon melly :)

Drink plenty of water. Not too much though.

When things feel lonely, know that you have a friend who's willing to listen.

*shall now be a little perasan and say this*

Me :D

P.S Justib Bieber is sooo overrated >_>

*sigh*

Its really hard to keep two worlds from clashing; especially if the people from those two worlds are, pardon the pun, worlds apart.

So...its hard not to feel left out. Heck, I'd be lying if i said I don't feel left out whenever I see one side doing things without me and discussing it all over the place.

Facebook is like a double edged sword to me. You see things that you wanna know, you see things that you don't wanna know; things that hurt you deep. Maybe that's why people just delete their contacts from their friend list. I'd understand why they did that. Sometimes, their statuses...the pictures...the discussions they have..it really hurts.

I've learned to brush that aside, just ignore it. But heck, I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt me at one point.

At this point, you're already wondering if are they really your friends, are they taking you for a fool or something. And of course, in times like these, you come to really know who your true friends are :)
















Mwahahahaha. I just killed your bandwidth :p

More pics when I find them. Amazing huh? My blog has been devoid of pics for so long :x

Thanks for cheering me up, person who will never read my blog :p

Or to be more specific, my mum :)

*belated mother's day dedication*

Let's start with the sappy stuff :D

I remember back when I was very young, other than the weekends, I rarely see my parents.
They had to work day and night just to supply for the family, so, I stayed with my grandparents. The only time I could see them was if they actually came home early for dinner. I remember straining my ears, trying to pick up the sound of the lock being opened at the front gate. I also recall calling my parents to see if they're coming back for dinner.

During the days when they would come back early for dinner, *my parents and grandparents live in separate houses but just across the road*, they would stay till they tuck me in bed at night. And that would be typically be about 10pm? Right after they've had their dinner, I would play around with them till its time to sleep.

I only started 'not sleeping' in my grandparents house when I was about in high school? Even then, there were times when my bro and I had to sleep with my grandparents because my parents had to work late nights.

Once their business flourished, we had slightly easier times. Now we could spend the whole weekends together, including Saturdays. Back then, I only looked forward to Sundays cuz that's the only time I could really spend time with them.

*This is turning out to be more of a parent's day dedication than a mother's day dedication*

And here is where it really turns out to be a mother's day dedication.

I still remembered on one occasion when I was really young and they took me out for a grocery shopping trip. It was a weekday.

As the supermarket was about to close, we exited with our purchases. And I saw a toy rabbit.
Me being a kid, wanted it but my mum said that they're closing soon so...no rabbit. Haha. I just put it back and walked away with that sad face :p No crying though, I was a good girl :p

What do you know? My mum bought that rabbit for my birthday, which was 2 weeks later. If I'm not mistaken.

In primary school, I sucked at history. Bad. And my mum was the one who slowly taught me how to memorize the emperor's name. You know...the sultan thingi. Haha.

Of course, in secondary school I was slightly rebellious and my mum put up with my attitude. Making sure I don't go out of control at the same time. My grades were getting worse but my mum encouraged me to do better. Thanks to her, I got an A for my add maths. Something I never achieved since form 4. Oh, and she taught me accounting so that I could ace my KH back in form 3. I was THAT BAD.

Recently in IMU, I was really fooling around and my grades suffered because of that.
Only my mum supported me and admonished me for my fooling around but knew that I learned from my mistakes.

At that point of time.

She was the one who tried to cheer me up by ignoring work for just one day, and just spending that whole day just being with me.

The more recent one, we went to IKEA and walked around :p

Even though it may look like nothing big to you guys, it really meant a lot to me.
That my mum would take off from work for one whole day just to spend time with me and cheer me up really meant a lot to me.

So, mum?

Happy Mother's Day :)

I'm the type who can't really express my feelings through actions and words out loud...so...

Thanks for everything that you've done for me.
Thanks for being there for me everytime I needed you.
Sorry that I've hurt you so many times..
Sorry for every wrong doing that I've done for all these years.

I love you mum :)

Scratch all three options. NONE are possible now =.=

My old GP doesn't accept students either :(

And my dad's friend isn't replying. Most prob overseas in fact.

SIIIGGGHHHHH.

Any GP willing to accept me? Haha

Looks like option 2 is out :(

The GP said they had bad experiences with medical students so they're no longer accepting medical students :(

T____T

Only option 1 and 3 left. Praying hard that option 1 will come true.

And tingyu, option 3 sounds tempting but its in seremban. Haha. And I don't think the doctor is really open to the idea. They haven't replied my dad until now =\

*SIGH*

Title says it all.

Dilemma with a capital D

D:

Should I go to a doctor who works in a private clinic? or a doctor who works in a private hospital?
Allow me to further elaborate the condition.

IMU wants us to do a general practitioner posting, meaning we get attached to a GP for 1 week. Now..I have 3 choices.

1. A family doctor who I used to go to back in Sri Petaling. Been seeing him since young but I kinda stopped when I grew up and moved. Unfortunately his clinic is pretty quiet compared to before.
   
2. Another GP i recently go to. By recently I mean the past few years. His clinic is busier. I think. And he provides FOMEMA. The maid thingi. More hi tech you can say :)
3. ANOTHER GP who works in a private hospital. My dad's friend's wife. But this ain't in a clinic. Its in a hospital =\

Gaaaah. I have another week before I submit the form but i'm still thinking :(

Which reminds me. It looks like no one reads blogs anymore. It used to be the hype back in our high school and college days. But looks like nobody blogs anymore.

Even those who promise to update their blogs after they've left for overseas *cough Mel and Yee Wen cough*

Oh well. Guess they're busy :)
Unlike me :)

Oh crap. Looks like I have to get my butt off the World Wide Web :x

Warning: The post below could give you confusion like how a psyduck does. If you don't know what's a psyduck, google it.

So...what makes us nice people?

People who treat other people nice? People who do everything others say? People who don't fight back? People who are sweet? People who say what others want to hear?

I shall now be a little thick face and say that people has called me a nice person.
But I beg to differ.

I am not your typical "nice" person. I behave like a gangster half the time back in high school, I'm a rebel, I skip classes, *shhh, dun let my mum know but i do skip lectures :p* , I LOVE dressing like a gangster, I dislike people, I curse alot back then.

And the worse part is..

I DON'T DO MY HOMEWORK.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Bet that last line went kinda potong huh? xD

But you get what I mean. Hehe. Looking back, I kept saying to myself...WHAT WAS I THINKING?

Of all the stupid things and situations I could have gotten myself into.. Tsk tsk.

BUT, we learn from our mistakes :)

I am proud to say I am NOT a nice person, but generally I can be nice. Haha.

I love my friends and family and I really appreciate every second I can spend with them. Unless you're one of those people whom I don't like.

Someone posted on her status saying along the lines that we should be nice because you know...there's evil in the world. Etc etc. Nice-ness is becoming rare and stuff :x

I agree with her statement but how do you define whether is a person nice?

For example, let's compare two people. One person is really outspoken while the other doesn't really say whats on their mind. Now...in a situation both have the same thoughts. The outspoken one says whats on their mind, while the other one keeps it to themselves. Let's put it this way, the reply is not a really nice one.

Did I just lose you? Haha.

To put it in a nutshell, both parties have the same thoughts, but only one says it out. So, obviously, as human beings you would say that the one who said their mind is mean while the other person is a nice one.

You could say that some people lack a filter to their words.

I have NO idea what I'm trying to point out of all this. Haha.

Pineapple from the tin + Ribena = AWESOME

:D

'Nuff said.

And that is the truth and nothing but the truth.

You may be joking when you say that. But the truth is, it cuts deeper than just being a joke. So much so that I now feel like I can't do it anymore.

Its not fair that you can say and laugh it off as a joke.

Its so unfair that you can just dismiss it and say all those things about me.

What I really want is your praise, encouragement...Anything to help keep me going. I'm already down as it is because of all the doubts I have about myself.

"Was it the right thing to do?"
"Did I make the right decision?"

All those doubts are already deeply rooted within me and all I wanted was encouragement.

Is that too much to ask?

Instead, you start joking about my inability to do and perform well.

Some people would take this in stride and try prove them wrong.
Ever thought that there will always be people who will crash and burn just because of that simple 'joke'?

I'm trying my best to prove you wrong. But if you were to weigh it on a scale, the proving you wrong part is slowly tipping to the other end of the scale.

The crash and burn part.

I really want to prove you wrong. But the more you say and do all these things to me, the less confident I become.

So far, only three people has given me the encouragement that I can do it. And out of those 3, there is 1 I don't really know, and the other 2 are nowhere nearby.

I guess all I want is someone verbally telling me..

"Pei Li. You can do it. So what if they're joking about your abilities. I believe you can do it."

Is that too much to ask?

And that's why I uploaded this temp layout. May or may not keep it. We'll see.

Looks like the only reason I update my blog is when I wanna rant >.<
First up...

Do I look THAT unreliable?

Nobody seems to tell me things. Well...its kinda hurts my pride :p
The people around me prefer telling their secrets and stuff to other people around me. Its not that I mind much. But it does give me the impression that you think I can't keep a secret. And THAT is what really really hurts me. Hehe. Maybe I'm just too sensitive. But it hasn't happened just once. Its happened a few times.

Secondly...

I absolutely hate people who assume I know everything. They just tell me at the last minute or don't let me know at all. In the end, I find it out because someone else just randomly asks me, am I still going for this, do I know about this. Now THAT is that really irks me. Its happened plenty of times and though I don't show it, I really am pissed at that.

Like really pissed.

So therefore, I have an extremely short temper now. I'm pissed as I type this. I'm pissed just thinking about all the times it has happened to me. I'm pissed just trying to think about it.

Shows just how pissed I am.

Anyways, IMU ball a.k.a prom 's this saturday.

@.@

Finally got kinda used to wearing contacts. I didn't take one whole hour to put it on this time! :D

Just 30 minutes.

HEY! Improvement k! :p

I have every right to leave my blog red. :p

I'll change it when I have the time. Haha. No. I don't have the time now. I'd rather be typing junk for you guys to see than changing the layout.

First of all.

Growing up sucks.

Big time.

Major big time.

But hell, its part of life.

So, to anyone who's feeling a little down, you're not alone.
I'm hiding a painful past and present which is nothing to be proud of.

So to a certain someone, who is nicknamed snow white, you're not alone.
Let's strive to do our very best ya? :)

6th March 2010

P.S Yes Steph. I know chap goh mei has come and gone. I'm still not changing it yet :p